Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize