And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
