So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
