So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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