Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
