i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
