So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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