I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
