She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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