So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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