i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
