Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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