cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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