I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
