you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
