there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
