i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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