id be glad to
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Randomize
