make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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