I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
