You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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