if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I believe in your delicious
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
And then he peed in my hair
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
