i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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