where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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