are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
how do you play pong handcuffed?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
