My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
