After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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