I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize