U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
