I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
