I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Randomize
