I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
