i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
i've created a new STD.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize