the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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