Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
