Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
