Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
cat food counts as protein by the way
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
