I wannas sexs uuuuu
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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