Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
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