dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She's the barista slut.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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