So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
