Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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