I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize