I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
