If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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