I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
