I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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