For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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