I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
