he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
