He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
