got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
