So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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