Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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