I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
