i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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