Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
