It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
