Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
