hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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