Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
