How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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