a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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