I just saw a hot homeless man
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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