she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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