I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
