Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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