Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
