woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It's blow job season.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
