are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
