Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize