Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
